Half My Heart is in Korea: Surviving a Hardship Tour During Pregnancy Part 2

AWC > Half My Heart is in Korea: Surviving a Hardship Tour During Pregnancy Part 2

Pic 1: Our First Night Alone w/out Daddy

When I last left off, my husband had just left to go to Korea.  My life was upside down!    I couldn't believe how much even a newborn baby understand when your emotionally drained.  The first night we were alone, I felt as if i couldn't let her more than even an inch away.  In picture 1, we were getting ready for our first night without daddy with us.  Even thought I tried to look strong for him, I was a complete wreck inside!

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Three days after he left, I went to the doctor because I couldn't stop crying, I couldn't eat and I had little to know energy to do anything other than take care of my daughter 100%.  My daughters every need was met but I was barely taking care of my own needs which in turn would eventually take a toll on my daughter, mainly emotionally.  I wasn't surprised to find out that I had Postpartum Depression(PPD).  I immediately was put on medication to help me cope and the medication slowly but surely made it so that i bare the thought of being alone for the next year.

As time went on, things began to become tolerable.  I don't want to say that they even got easier, because every single day was a challenge that I had to overcome.  Not only was i learning to be a mom but I was a first time mom with a husband who had just left for a year.  I can not tell you how many times I have heard "there are a lot of people that are going through the same thing", as if this was supposed to make me feel better.  This is a stereotype that I would love to hack down with an axe.  To be frank, its ridiculous.  Each of us has different struggles and if you were to take 20 women with a newborn, a husband going to Korea, etc each of us would deal with things differently and have a completely different experience with it.  Hearing these stereotypes is one of my biggest pet peeves.

Pic 2: My Pride and Joy on her 1 month birthday

Before I knew it, my daughter was One month old and we were heading to her One month well baby appointment.  This day was especially rough because I knew my husband was missing out on this and I think that it was harder for me than it was for my husband.  My husband is one of those guys who doesn't show his emotion and tries to be strong even when I know he's not showing it.  He was thrilled to know how her appointment went and he listened to me complain about how much I hate the army for separating us but he did it with a smile or at least I think.  He is the reassuring type, especially during the long distance and separation.  In all honesty, thinking back on it now, time was flying.  My daughter kept me busy as did my animals and close friends.

2012 Softball Team Picture

Around 3 weeks after I gave birth to my daughter, I couldn't sit still any longer.  I was feeling wonderful, and I was ready to venture out into the world again, deal with people and occupy my time with something that I enjoy.  I started playing softball again, which is my passion.  The Fort Bragg MWR as well as most if not all MWR's across the Army, have some wonderful programs for families and spouses.  A lot of these programs I feel fall unheard of and the adult athletic program here at Fort Bragg is one of them.  Three years ago, during my first spring here at Fort Bragg, I started my own softball team.  After a series of drama and mishaps, I ended up turning to team over to a coach with a seasoned background in softball who turned my softball team into not only a championship team here at Fort Bragg, but the first year as a team, we took the NC USSSA Military Worlds softball championship and went to Military Worlds in Panama City, FL.  Since 2010, I have never missed a season playing on a variety of teams including the Lady Patriots(2010), coaching the Silent Ranks(2011), Misfits(2012) and this year the Total Pitchez(2013).  Back to the original point, I started playing ball again around 6 weeks after my daughter was born, as soon as I was medically cleared by my doctor.  I played summer ball with my daughter there to support me and then again in the fall, I played co-ed softball(men and women).  Our co-ed team took 2nd place, which was very exciting!

Me, my daughter and my husband reunited

Once softball was over, it was the ALMOST time for my husband to come home on mid-tour leave! It was so nerve racking on SO many levels.  First time I have seen my husband since 11 days post birth, first time I have my family whole again, so many things!  He was schedule to come home on December 20th, 2012 at around 6pm into Raleigh, NC.  Mid-tour leave was something I dreaded because for one, it was an expensive vacation.  The Army is so generous to send our loved ones overseas for a year on a Hardship tour, but if you want to take a month of leave to go home and see your family, you have to find our own way back to the United States.  Irritating!!!! Almost $1700, I had my husband back.

That is ALL for now...Look for Part III sooooon!!!!

Happy Belated Mothers Day to all our military moms and spouses!

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Half My Heart is in Korea:  Surviving a Hardship Tour During Pregnancy Part 1

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